Anonymous said: Hello I am in love with your blog. I'm a dark skinned big girl and some days when I wake up I dont want to look in the mirror for years people have chastised me about my weight and skin color and I let it get to me a lot any advice for me?
Thank you for your lovely message. I’m happy we found each other. I have quite a few suggestions for you. My advice is to filter out all the negativity that is surrounding you and making you feel unworthy. Relationships were that person tears you down are unhealthy. That includes people who complain. About their own weight in front of you. Let that person know you are practicing body positivity and will no longer accept any negative body talk from them because it makes you feel uncomfortable. They can change their ways or you can limit your time with them. Something has to give.
Face that mirror you fear and begin complimenting one thing you like that you see in the mirror, no matter how small. When you do this you are nurturing yourself with kindness and positivity. Practice this each day. Each day try to find something new you genuinely like about yourself and say it out loud in the mirror no matter how silly you feel doing this.
Any magazines, TV shows, music that makes you think little of yourself, stop listening & watching it. Go on a mainstream media diet. Then start listening to underground music by strong women that makes you feel empowered and devine. Listen to Janelle Monet, Jill Scot, Anita Tijoux and other women who are fierce and speak out about size, race, sexism & class! Instead of mainstream media surround yourself with the words and images that large women of color are writing and creating. Follow body positive blogs, bitch magazine, and the crunk feminist collective and any other culturally, emotionally, & spiritually edifying blogs.
Create a collage, tactile or online through pinterest, of beautiful women who are big and who are dark skinned. This is your vision board and you are re visioning what beauty is and what it means for yourself. Hang it up on your wall for you to see how diverse beauty is. Every time you see it remember how beauty is so much more than what we see in TV and magazines and you are beautiful. Your size is perfect and your skin color is beautiful. There is nothing wrong with you. Our limited definition of beauty is what’s wrong. The way our families and friends have internalized racism, skin color, & body shape hierarchies is wrong. And we have to be in resistance against anything that makes us feel less than. Educate yourself on where these hierarchies came from and be critical about how people are perpetuating colonial ideas whenever they talk to you in that way. It helps you to speak back the more knowledge you have of where the internalized racism & self-hate comes from. Redefine what beauty means to yourself each time you look at that collage. Let them be your role models.
Read anything you can about the Chicano movement and the Black Power movement from the 1960s & 70s. These movements reclaimed the color of their skin and declared that their skin was beautiful. That was a powerful moment in time and I encourage you to read up on both Black feminism and Chicana feminism to learn more. Start with bell hooks and Gloria Anzaldua.
Maybe you can start journaling and start your own body posi tumblr or blog to reflect on your journey. We need large and dark skinned women to be an example to other WOC struggling with the same issues as you. Your voice & image is important in challenging racist and sizeist standards of beauty. Don’t forget, keep finding new things to compliment yourself on. Please message me again in a few months and let me know your progress.
Hugs and kisses xoxo